


A Devastating Loss

by Aria_Lerendeair



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec Lightwood is Not Actually Dead, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Magnus Bane, Cuddling, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Immortal Husbands, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Magnus takes revenge on those who hurt his husband, No One Actually Dies in this fic (Except Circle Members), Presumed Dead, Prince of Hell Magnus Bane, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:40:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26061316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aria_Lerendeair/pseuds/Aria_Lerendeair
Summary: Magnus thought he had readied himself for the idea that he would lose Alexander.Unfortunately, that day came much sooner than he'd ever expected.(NOT a Death Fic.)
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 35
Kudos: 542





	A Devastating Loss

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ColorfulWarlock](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ColorfulWarlock/gifts).



> Prompt from the amazing Hika: Imagine if Magnus is kidnapped, and when he wakes up his ring is gone. He watches his kidnapers tossing the ring around carelessly, and one of them even stomp on it. In a scale of 1 to 10, how loud will be the explosion of that place?
> 
> THIS KINDA RAN AWAY FROM ME BUT I HOPE THAT YOU LIKE IT REGARDLESS!!! 
> 
> ....hold on for some angst with a side of BAMF!

Magnus frowned and looked at the clock for the second time in as many hours. Alexander was normally very strict about sending him a fire message, or at least a text message if he was going to be late. Especially when he was hours late. 

But then, organizing this mission, as long and difficult as it had become, across multiple Institutes, had required his involvement, so maybe he should have expected this. Magnus sighed and took another sip of his wine. He should have insisted that he be allowed to accompany Alexander, but he'd had that meeting with the Spiral Labyrinth and had needed to meet with the Consul to ensure that the latest warlocks moving into Alicante were approved and-

His phone rang. 

Magnus sighed in relief, tugging it out of his pocket, swiping it open without looking at the caller. "Darling, next time, we need to talk about your-" 

"Magnus," Izzy managed, a sob caught in her throat. "Magnus, we..." 

Magnus dropped the wineglass. He didn't register it shattering on the floor. His hand tightened around the phone. "Where?" he breathed. "Where are you?" Once Isabelle had given him the address, in a matter of a quick portal, Magnus was there. 

He felt numb, and the devastated looks on the shadowhunters faces as he approached the inferno raging in front of them. There were people stumbling out of the Institute, but the flames were oppressively hot. He could feel them, even now, more than a hundred yards away. He stared at the fire. 

**"Magnus!"**

Magnus stared at the fire and barely turned to acknowledge Clary when she ran up to him, his eyes locked on the flames escaping from every window. A boom echoed inside the Institute and one of the floors started to collapse. All of the shadowhunters near him flinched. He started to walk towards the building, listening to Clary stumble over her words as she walked with him. 

"He, he went back in, had to save as many as he could, but he-" 

Magnus held up his hand and silenced her. He could see her wincing at the heat of the fire, this close to it. He turned and gestured her back with his chin, turning back to the flames. He smiled and let the heat roll over him in slow waves. He stepped closer and ignored the shout of his name, even as his clothes started to spark. 

He was a child of shadow and flame. They could not touch him. 

Magnus walked into the building, the heat washing over him in gentle, familiar waves. The inferno raged around him, an accompanying fury to the absolute silence of his magic inside him. Once he stood in the middle of what must have been the Operations room, Magnus took in the smoke and flames. 

He didn't move. 

A single deep breath. And then another. 

On the third breath in, Magnus breathed in the flames, swallowing them with the help of his magic, extinguishing them by bringing them into himself, the flames raging over his body, licking over his skin. The building around him shuddered in the absence of the heat that had been there moments before and with his exhale, Magnus blew the smoke out of the building. 

It creaked around him, a building utterly destroyed, and those that had remained inside stayed with it. 

Magnus didn't let himself do more than focus on each body as he walked by them. The shadowhunters would be in, soon, to collect their dead. But there was only one body he cared about. 

Magnus found him in the doorway of the dormitories. Where the children had been staying. 

Alexander's ring glinted on the finger of the body that was more ash than anything else. Magnus knelt by the body and closed his eyes. Reaching out, he could even feel the faint fibers of the shirt that he had picked out for Alec earlier that morning. He reached out to touch the ring, carefully pulling it away from the charred skin, tugging the charmed metal into his palm. 

The ring had done its job. It had protected Alec until the very end. 

Magnus turned to the door and caught sight of a piece of metal, now bent and twisted in the heat. His eyes narrowed and he stood up, reaching out to touch the metal, examining it. It was spelled to be heat resistant. He closed his eyes and focused his magic on it, the malice and intent bleeding from it obviously enough to have his whole body shaking. 

Magnus put the metal rod down on the ground again. Alec hadn't gone back in to save someone. He'd been _trapped._

Magnus strode back out of the Institute, walking past Clary and others who were waiting for him, tear tracks on his face. Both of them turned their eyes away and didn't look at him. He spared a moment to wonder what he must look like, but it didn't matter. None of it mattered any longer. 

He stopped in front of Isabelle, well-aware the other Shadowhunters were giving him a wide berth. He met her eyes and lifted his chin. 

"Alexander was murdered," he announced, his voice quiet and certain. "I have proof." 

Isabelle stared at him with wide eyes. "Are you sure? How are you sure?" 

Magnus narrowed his eyes at her and nodded firmly when she went quiet. "I am going to find them," he promised. 

"Magnus, we have to-" 

"Alexander is dead," Magnus said repeating the words, striding past her. "There is nothing I have to do, Isabelle. Nothing that I can do, but avenge him." 

Magnus knew that he was cutting her out of his life, the rest of them as well, but it was for the best. It would be for the best for them all. They couldn't afford to be hurt with what he was about to do. "Collect your dead. And tell the Consul that when I return? It will be with blood on my hands." 

Isabelle's silence had to be enough. Magnus nodded again and strode past her, conjuring a portal in front of him. 

~!~ 

It took four days. 

Four days to track down the Circle members, and the four warlocks helping them. The warlocks with a grudge against him, who had banded together to kill the one thing in his life that mattered. 

When he found them, there was nothing that was going to stop him. Not the constant phone calls from Isabelle, Clary, and even Jace.  _ Nothing. _ And once it was done...

Magnus exhaled shakily, closing his eyes. 

There was work to be done first. And he would be the bait. Magnus settled into an easy rhythm in the city that they had made their own. Budapest was one of the few cities that he had visited regularly with Alexander, and he had loved it here. Magnus tilted his face into the sun, sipping at a drink slowly as he sat outside a cafe. 

Four days of the same rhythm, each and every day. They had to be close to making their move now. 

Magnus took another slow sip of his drink, waiting. All he had to do now was wait. They'd approach him soon enough. And when they did? 

Magnus' eyes flashed in the reflection of his drink. 

They would learn the true power of fire. 

It was almost a relief when he felt the spell hit him, his guard purposefully down, surrounding him in inky blackness. He let himself fall into it, giving only a cursory fight before he went limp in the chair. It didn't matter what they did to him now. Nothing did. Not anymore.

When he woke up, it was to the sound of laughter. 

Magnus blinked himself awake and barely spared the dampening cuffs on his wrists a look. They wouldn't matter. Not when it came to him. 

"Well, well, I was expecting that we would need to track you down, not that you would come straight to us." 

He stared at the bright scar on the man's neck, denoting his loyalty to Valentine. Everything that he and Alexander had spent years fighting against, trying to make a better world for everyone. Magnus lifted his eyes to meet his and wanted to laugh when he saw the man flanked by two warlocks, magic curling around their hands, sluggish, and barely there. 

"No matter, though. Certainly saves us the effort." 

Magnus forced himself upright, resting his arms on his knees, staring at the man in front of him. The cage that he was in barely allowed him to sit up with his back straight, but it was enough. 

"Listen, it's not a good idea to antagonize-" 

"Silence!" 

Magnus' lips quirked in a faint smile as he watched both of the warlocks grow silent at the command from the circle member. He tilted his head and continued to observe and stare. It disconcerted them. He could see it. "And what will you do with me, now that you have me, hm?" 

The Circle member smirked. "Well, since your kind were _so_ helpful to assist in killing that whore of a husband of yours-" 

Magnus twitched, his magic roaring to life under his skin, barely contained and controlled as he stared. _"Careful,"_ he whispered. 

"You can't do anything to us!" he spat. "Alec Lightwood is dead, and you'll be next. The world will be rid of you both and your influence will fade." 

Magnus hummed and looked at his hand, his eyes widening when he realized that his rings were missing. More importantly, the two rings that should have been impossible to remove from his finger were gone. 

"Looking for these?" 

Magnus lifted his eyes back to the Circle member and his eyes tracked the flash of silver as both rings were tossed in the air before falling back into his palm. 

He leaned in close, a vicious smirk on his lips. "Shall I tell you how your precious husband begged for his life after we locked him in that room? What a coward he was?" 

Magnus stared at the rings as they were tossed again, the silver glinting in the light. He could feel the fire under his skin, licking impatiently at his core of magic, waiting. "You lie," he said, his voice certain. 

"He fought us until we locked him in there," The Circle member continued. "Once we had him pinned and there was no escape, we could hear him sobbing, trying to open the door. Begging for anything, anyone to help him." 

Another toss, the rings clinking together quietly in the air. 

Another. 

Magnus watched as he purposefully missed catching them this time, letting the rings fall to the ground with a sad tinkle of noise. The rings that were bound together by magic, by his magic, and Alexander's love. The ring that he had promised to wear for the rest of his life, whether Alexander was alive or not. 

"Give them back," Magnus ordered, looking up to stare down the Circle members. 

A loud, harsh laugh escaped him. "You want your precious wedding ring back? Your marriage was a disgrace. We'll have it erased from the history books. No one will ever know of it, and others-" 

"That's enough," Magnus said, his voice calm and collected. 

"It won't be enough until every record of your farce of a marriage is destroyed, starting with your husband, and ending with you!" He lifted his foot and stomped on the rings, again and again, twisting and warping the metal under his boot. 

Magnus watched as the rings were slowly misshapen under the force of a strength rune. 

**Stomp.**

Alexander's ring twisted. 

**Stomp.**

His ring flattened. 

**Stomp.**

_ 'Alexander Gideon Lightwood.'  _

**Stomp.**

_ 'Will you marry me?'  _

**Stomp.**

_ 'Only if you'll marry me too.'  _

**STOMP.**

Magnus watched, detached, as the rings were spat on before the boot returned. 

**STOMP.**

_ ‘I love you.’  _

**STOMP.**

_ ‘I love you too.’  _

Magnus closed his eyes and let the tears fall, the flames under his skin burning him from the inside out now. “Do you know who I am?” he asked, his voice low. 

"You're a half-demon abomination!" The Circle member spat. "You corrupted a shadowhunter and tricked him into marriage and-" 

The cage around him began to glow, white hot, and Magnus stood, the super-heated metal falling off of him like it was nothing, the dampening cuffs ash around his hands mere seconds later. His eyes blazed gold as he stared at the two warlocks flanking the Circle member. 

"No," he said with a chuckle, taking a step forward. "My name is Great Destruction," he breathed, and flames lept to his command, curling around him like the comfort they were. 

"My name," Magnus continued, his eyes half shut as he walked towards them, scooping the rings off the ground when the Circle member stumbled back and away from him and the fire slowly expanding out of him. "is Son of Asmodeus." He heard the warlocks gasp and sent flames at them, pinning them into place, listening to them cry out. 

"I am a Prince of Hell, now, and it is my husband you decide to murder," Magnus breathed, sending a blast of fire at the shadowhunter, curling it around him like a rope, crashing him to his knees. The warlocks were trying to escape, so he tightened the hold that he had on them, staring the shadowhunter down. 

"You think that fire you had them cast was powerful?" Magnus whispered. "I extinguished it with a single breath." He knelt in front of the shadowhunter, and took in the fear in his eyes, a dangerous smirk curling on his lips. He leaned in close, exhaling against the Circle member's lips. "I'm going to show you the true power of fire." 

In an instant, Magnus breathed out, unleashing the magic contained within him, giving it free rein, pouring his sorrow, his heartbreak, his loss, all of it into the blaze as it raged around them. The screams were almost too short as the three in the room with him were nothing more than dust and a faint fleeting thought. 

Magnus tore the building down with flames, every inch of it reduced to charred cinder and ash around him, tearing the building to pieces under the force of his magic and that alone. Once he was surrounded by rubble, the stones doing nothing more than smoke around him, he allowed himself to breathe in again, the fire subsiding. 

He looked at the rings in his palm and reformed them with nothing more than the briefest of thoughts. He hung his head and waited for the shadowhunters to come for him. They would, soon enough. Magnus didn't know how long it was before footsteps were making their way towards him. He lifted his head and met the eyes of Irina, the Head of the Budapest Institute. Alexander had liked her, had praised her as someone who could be Inquisitor one day. 

"Magnus?" she called. 

"They're dead," Magnus announced, his voice too quiet, too dull. He tightened his hand around the rings. "They're all dead." 

She nodded. "It's what they deserved." 

They had deserved so much more pain than he had given them, they'd deserved to suffer for all of eternity for taking Alexander from him too soon. Magnus turned away from her and tried to breathe through the agony that was waiting for him on the other side of the anger. He wouldn't be able to put it off now. 

Alexander was _gone._

He'd never see Alexander's smile again. He'd never see how tousled his hair was after they woke up together, curled in each other's arms. How his blush went down his neck and all the way to his chest. Hear Alec call his name. Cup his face in his palms. Hug him tight like he was the only thing that mattered. Make love to him, slow and gentle. Kiss him like he was the air Alec needed to breathe... 

"Magnus," Irina called. "Are, are you..." 

Magnus was intimately familiar with the hesitation in her voice. She knew, as best she could, that he wasn't okay, and never would be. Not again. He opened his palm and looked at the rings, slipping his on. He could almost feel Alec slipping it onto his finger.  _ Almost.  _

He didn't bother to answer her, summoning a portal for himself, stepping through it. The sight in front of him that waited made tears gather in his eyes again, but he melted into the crowd easily enough. 

There was no Camille to stop him. No Alexander to go home to. 

Only half a life worth living, with a pain that would never stop, never cease, never end. With a twist of magic, Magnus turned to face the Thames. The river was as inky as it had been centuries ago. A small comfort. Even if the city changed, the river never did. 

He watched the sunset. 

Alexander had always hated London. He'd put on a brave face, knowing how much Magnus liked it, but his nose had wrinkled at the feel of just how _old_ the city was, and how it never felt clean. Magnus smiled faintly and turned his head to the sky that was darkening steadily, even though the stars would remain hidden this close to the city. 

He'd lived with Alexander in a way that he hadn't done in centuries. Lived, and loved, as he'd no longer believed that he could. That he hadn't thought himself still capable of, after Camille and the others. 

A sob caught in his throat. 

He hadn't wanted to cry. 

Magnus tightened his hands on the railing of the bridge and stared at the inky water below, the tears falling hot and heavy on his cheeks. He dug his fingertips in and tried to breathe, his magic hollowed out and weak inside him. A desperate breath of air only made him choke on the sob that tried to escape. The world blurred as his tears came harder. 

He curled against the railing, the bite of the cool metal barely making him focus for more than a second as he sobbed again, Alexander's name escaping his lips on a broken whimper. He was never going to see Alec again.  _ Never. _ He'd lost the most precious thing in his entire world. The only thing he couldn't afford to lose, and it was gone, without even a whisper of a goodbye. 

Magnus held onto the railing, clinging to it until his tears dried, even though harsh, hiccuping sobs still wracked his body, as the sun started to rise behind him. The light shone along the water of the river, and the sound of the city waking was beginning to rise. It was only when the sun was fully over the horizon that he released his hold on the metal of the bridge, taking a step back from the edge. 

"I made it," he whispered, blinking hard against what would have been the threat of tears if he'd had any left. "I made it, Alexander. Aren't you proud of me?" Magnus continued, blinking hard as he stared at the railing. He swallowed, dry and painful, before turning away from the river. It took three tries, but he finally managed to summon a portal, stumbling through it and into Catarina's living room. 

He nearly fell over the coffee table as he crashed to the couch, raking his eyes over the pictures Madzie had drawn on the table, and the comforting feel of magic he knew as well as his own all around him. Magnus tried to breathe, but the grief waiting for him, now that he'd  _ survived _ was suffocating. 

"Magnus?" 

Magnus lifted his eyes to Madzie, standing in the hallway of the apartment. She was holding a stuffed animal in her hand and he trembled, watching her. "Hey sweetpea," he croaked. "I'm sorry if I woke you." 

Madzie took a step forward, then another, frowning. "Are you okay, Magnus?" 

The noise that left him was pure pain and Magnus covered his mouth to muffle it when Madzie's eyes widened. "No, sweetpea, no I'm not. I'm never going to be entirely okay again." 

Madzie's face was solemn as she crept closer, holding out her stuffed rainbow fish to Magnus. "Cause of Alec?" 

Another tear slid down his cheek and Magnus nodded, just enough for her to see it. "Yeah," he whispered to her, even as he carefully took the fish, cradling it tight against his chest. He could remember when Alec bought this for her. They'd made that trip to the aquarium together and-

"He must be so worried," Madzie said, reaching out with her fingers, conjuring a blanket for Magnus. "Don't worry, I'll take good care of you." 

Magnus tried to smile at her as she tucked the blanket around him, her small face scrunched up in determination. "Thank you, sweetpea," he managed. "I'll, I'll talk to you tomorrow?" 

Madzie nodded. "Of course. You rest now, Magnus. I'll tell Alec you're safe." 

Magnus wanted to sob, because there, that simple mention, was going to be what broke him. However Madzie was going to tell him, all of it meant that Alec wasn't here any longer. He managed a nod, and watched her turn and head back to her bedroom. He buried his face into the fish, barely managing to breathe as he sobbed, silent and desperate. 

His husband. 

His Alec. 

_ His Alexander.  _

Was gone. 

~!~ 

When Magnus woke up, he knew he was dreaming. 

He almost wished he wasn’t. This was an even worse kind of torture. 

Alec, cradling him so carefully, the two of them lying in bed together, the sun peeking through the curtains to tell them they’d overslept, and his cheek, pressed to Alec’s chest, with the steady beat of Alec’s heart beneath his ear. 

“No, please,” Magnus whispered. He couldn’t bear it, but he knew his dreams. He knew the nightmare was coming, where Alec’s body would turn to ash and he’d be left with nothing more than a memory. He wanted to tighten his hold on Alec, but if he did, then he’d lose him all the quicker. “Please,” he begged. “Please, no.” 

“Magnus?” 

Magnus didn’t want to look at Alec, only to lose him again. He pressed his face tighter against Alec’s chest, his shoulders starting to shake as tears gathered in his eyes. 

“Magnus, love, look at me,” Alec coaxed.

Magnus whined, but then dream Alec was cupping the back of his head and moving back just enough to stare down at him. He desperately roamed his eyes over Alec’s face, memorizing it or the hundredth, the thousandth, millionth time. 

Alec frowned. “Magnus, what’s wrong? Why are you looking at me like that?” 

Looking away was impossible, now, even though his eyes started to blur with tears. “Because you’re not real,” he whispered. “Even though I want you to be more than anything else in the entire universe.” 

Alec blinked in confusion. “Not real? Magnus, why wouldn’t I be real? What’s wrong? Were you hurt?” 

Magnus swallowed and shook his head, even as he kept his eyes trained on Alec. “You, you…” he trailed off, reaching out to press his fingertips to Alec’s cheeks. If he told Alec, it would make him disappear. “I lost you,” he whispered. “And it hurts, Alexander. It’s never going to stop hurting. And I don’t know how I’m supposed to live without you,” he admitted. 

“Live without me?” Alec asked, his frown deepening. “Magnus, are you sure you weren’t hurt? Irina said she was worried about you, so did Izzy and Jace, and you haven’t been answering your phone, but when Madzie called she-” 

Magnus blinked, frowning at Alexander. He pulled himself back, out of the bed. He looked down at himself. He was wearing his favorite sleepwear. This had to be a dream. He watched Alec climb out of bed, his eyes dropping to the boxers that Alec was wearing with a frown. He summoned magic to his fingertips and zapped himself, wincing as the magic shot through him. “Come on,” he growled. “This isn’t funny.” He did it again, and his whole body jolted with the more powerful surge of magic. 

“Magnus,” Alec said, striding towards Magnus, grabbing his hands to keep him from injuring himself further. “Magnus, you’re scaring me, you’re worrying me, what’s wrong?” 

Magnus yanked himself back and away from Alec, reaching up to grip at his hair, pulling hard, desperate, his eyes watering. “Wake up!” He snarled at himself. “Wake up, wake up, wake up! He’s gone!” 

Alec grabbed on to Magnus’ wrists, cradling them gently - pulling him in close. “Magnus, look at me. You aren’t dreaming. We’re home safe. You’re exhausted. We’re okay, I promise.” 

“You died!” Magnus shouted, his eyes filling with tears. “We aren’t safe, we’re not okay, I’m never going to be okay again, because you _died!_ You left me, you left me alone and I can’t _breathe_ and-”

When Alec yanked him into a kiss, Magnus froze. His whole body trembled, all of his focus whittled down to the gentlest, softest touch of their lips together. A single tear escaped as he blinked, then another, then another, only for Alec’s fingers to come and wipe them away when their lips broke apart. 

“Alexander…” Magnus whispered, his glamour down as he stared, his heart pounding too hard, his magic roiling in confusion and the seed of hope that was growing was going to break him when reality once again made itself known. “Wha...what…” 

“They weren’t after me,” Alec whispered, wiping away another tear with a quick swipe of a finger. “They were after _you._ They wanted you to go mad with grief, Magnus. They took a body, gave it my clothes, put my ring on it, and spelled one of them rushing in to look like me.” 

Magnus stared at Alec, his eyes widening. “Where, where were…” 

“They kept two of the Circle members to guard me. The rest were bait for you. I killed them as soon as they gave me the opportunity and got back to the Paris Institute as quickly as I could, because that’s where they’d taken me,” Alec explained, trying not to rush. “Jace wasn’t near Clary and Izzy and by the time he could get in touch with them, you were gone.” 

Tears started to fall, harder and faster until the image of Alec was blurring in front of him. It felt so dangerous to hope, even with Alec pressed in close to him like this, staring at him, willing him to listen, to hear, to believe. He took a small breath, tears gathering in his eyes. "I killed them all..." he whispered, staring at Alec. 

"I know," Alec whispered back, leaning in to kiss Magnus' forehead. "I read the report on what happened in Budapest. Irina told me the rest. Are you okay? I was even more worried when you didn't come home after that." 

"I thought I'd lost you," Magnus breathed, tears falling faster than Alec could brush them away. He leaned into Alec's hands, his palms, and tried to breathe, everything rushing up on him at once. "I..." he choked on another sob and pressed in closer to Alec. 

"I'm here," Alec promised, wrapping his arms tightly around Magnus as he burrowed closer. "I'm here, Magnus, I haven't gone anywhere. I wouldn't leave you. They took my ring, my phone, my clothes, but I'm still here, I promise." 

Magnus cried harder than he could remember crying in his entire life, relief and fear all mixed together as Alec held him tight and rocked him in slow motions. He dug his fingers into Alec's waist, clinging as tightly as he dared as his bawling slowly faded to quiet tears. He breathed in slowly, nuzzling Alec's neck again. 

"I'm right here," Alec promised, keeping his arms around Magnus. "I'm right here, Magnus. I haven't gone anywhere, and I'm not going to, I promise." 

Magnus breathed out slowly, letting the truth of that sink over him. Alec was here. Alec hadn't left him alone. Alec was still here, and they were both going to be okay. _"Fuck,"_ he whispered, thinking about how he'd spent his night. He breathed in harshly, glad when Alec tightened his arms around him. "Losing you is going to break me, Alexander." 

Alec squeezed Magnus again, nuzzling into his hair, breathing out slowly. He could feel the truth in those words, especially now that Magnus had experienced it, even if it hadn't been real. He swallowed and whispered back to his husband, back to the one person he couldn't afford to lose either. 'Then we make sure that you don't lose me." 

Magnus laughed harshly, even as he stayed in the circle of Alec's arms, because with the spectre of immortality over both of them, no matter what, death would come for Alexander. "I wish..." he shook his head and sighed. "It's better not to think about it. I'm sorry I didn't pick up your sibling’s phone-" 

"Catarina already has the ritual ready," Alec interrupted, preventing the deflection he had known Magnus would be offering. He bit down on his lip when Magnus turned wide eyes to him. "I, I asked. A long time ago. I didn't know if we'd ever revisit the conversation, or, or if you, ah.  _ Wanted." _

Magnus' mouth was dry before he abruptly burst into tears all over again, pressing his hands against his face. He leaned into Alec once his husband was wrapped around him again and he tried to get his tears under control. By the time he quieted, he could tell that the sun had fully risen and others were likely wondering about him, about them. 

"I spent the night on Blackfriar's bridge," Magnus admitted, feeling Alec tense around him. He closed his eyes and breathed out slowly. "I watched the sun set, and then rise again. I was still here. Then I went to Catarina. I...there was nowhere else I could go." 

Alec exhaled hard and held onto Magnus as tightly as he could. “I’m proud of you,” he whispered, even as Magnus hiccuped out another sob against him. “I’m so proud of you, Magnus. For remembering that there are people in this world who still need you, and want you here.” 

“That’s what I thought,” Magnus breathed. “When, when I stepped back from the railing after the sun had risen.” He lifted his eyes to Alec and brushed away the tears on Alec’s cheeks. “I, I told you I’d made it. I asked if you were proud of me. I knew it was what you would have wanted for me.” 

_“Magnus,”_ Alec whispered, leaning in to kiss his forehead. “I am so proud of you. More than I think I can even begin to tell you. We’re here. We’re safe. We’re okay. I love you.” 

Magnus let out another desperate breath of air at the soft words breathed against him. The ones he thought he’d never hear again. “Say it again?” 

Alec smiled and stole a soft kiss from Magnus, before pulling back to look him in the eyes. “I love you,” he whispered. “I love you, Magnus Lightwood-Bane.” He leaned in and kissed Magnus’ forehead, then down the slope of his nose, to his lips again, sweet and soft. “I will love you every day, for the rest of my life. Whether that is ten years, a hundred, or a thousand. I will always, _always_ love you.” 

Magnus leaned in and kissed Alec again, hard and desperate, before sagging into his arms, glad when Alec manhandled him back into bed and wrapped him up in another tight hug. The comforting weight of Alec holding onto him was exactly what he needed. “It’s going to take me a while to fall asleep,” he admitted, even as he waved his hand and pulled the blackout curtains over the windows. 

“That’s okay,” Alec said, pressing a kiss to Magnus’ hair. “I’ll hold you the whole time. So even if you fall asleep and wake up, I’ll be here.” He paused and glanced towards the door. “Or maybe in the bathroom.” 

Magnus snickered, some of the tension finally bleeding out of his shoulders as he nuzzled at Alec’s neck. “I thought I’d lost you, Alexander.” 

“You didn’t lose me,” Alec reminded him. He kissed Magnus’ temple again, settling against their pillows. “We’re home safe. I love you.” 

Magnus nodded, smiling faintly at the reminder. “I love you too, Alexander,” he said, closing his eyes as he listened to the steady heartbeat under his ear. “And tomorrow, maybe we talk about these plans you’ve made with Catarina?” he offered, biting down on his lip. 

Alec’s breath caught and he froze. “Really?” he whispered. 

“Really,” Magnus whispered back, brushing his lips against Alec’s skin again, starting to smile. When Alec moved in a flurry of limbs to straddle him and press him into the blankets, Magnus couldn’t help laughing, wrapping his arms around Alec’s shoulders, taking in the bright smile his husband was wearing. 

“Fuck, I love you,” Alec breathed, leaning down to kiss Magnus, hard, pressing him into the pillows. 

Magnus groaned into the kiss, getting lost in the insistent press of Alec’s lips until he abruptly remembered something that needed to be corrected. He pulled himself back and took a second to inhale deeply before snapping his fingers, summoning Alec’s ring to his fingertips. He held it up and watched Alec grin again, bright and wide. “I believe this is yours, Mister Lightwood-Bane.” 

Alec held out his hand, barely managing to keep it from shaking as Magnus slipped the ring onto his finger again, right where it belonged. “Indeed it is, Mister Lightwood-Bane,” he said, smiling. He kissed Magnus again and met bright golden eyes. “Forever, in fact.” 

Magnus pulled Alec down and into another kiss, blinking hard to try and dispel the last of the tears that threatened. “When it comes to you, Alexander,” he whispered, tangling their fingers together so he could feel Alec’s ring against his fingers, back where it belonged. “Forever might be just long enough.” 

“That,” Alec grinned and leaned in for another kiss, whispering against Magnus’ lips. “Is exactly what I was thinking.” 

**Author's Note:**

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